I am a mama of four, I thought I’d tell you just in case you haven’t read my bio yet or you aren’t following me on social media.
You can totally do that here .
Like somewhere out there in the universe someone thought, ‘Hey let’s give this girl four whole kids and see what happens’. I mean don’t get me wrong I 100% love being a Mom. These tiny humans are legit my proudest accomplishment. But let me be transparent here, I never wanted to be a mom.
It wasn’t something I ever aspired to be. My mother had five kids. My older sister, me (second oldest), my twin brothers, and my mini (the youngest). The younger three I assisted her in raising. So for me, I felt like I already had children. Especially my younger sister who was always my shadow growing up.
However, the universe got jokes right?
When I was two months shy of turning twenty I had my oldest son and everything came into hyperfocus. It was like what I thought I wanted wasn’t anywhere NEAR what I needed. I put everything I had into my little guy. Hellbent on breaking generational curses and not to become another statistic. I legit rocked motherhood with him and was completely satisfied being a one kid mama. It was like I took the challenge I thought becoming a mother was and legit showed that it wasn’t a challenge it was meant for me.
So for five brilliant years, it was just us two.
Then I met my husband and six months later I found out that I was pregnant with my second child. Two years after that I had my third and just this past October I had my fourth, and final, baby girl.
The universe was like ‘Oh so you thought we were going to make it easy?”.
My reply, “So wait, you mean I’m a Mom Mom now!”
No question all surprise.
Yes y’all, I know what it takes to become a mother. I know. Believe me when I say to you that we were NOT trying to have any more babies but hey here we are right? I laid in my bed I have to sleep in it.
So here I am a new mother of four tiny humans in the middle of a pandemic feeling like I am losing my ever-loving damn mind. Trying to do all the things. Trying to keep my children safe and healthy, trying to successfully breastfeed, trying to at least to remember to switch the laundry every time it’s done washing. All on top of trying to love my husband and build my brand.
Ya girl is tired sis.
Not to mention with this last birth, as beautiful as it was, I have been experiencing postpartum anxiety. Something that is completely new to me.
I don’t sleep, I eat terribly, and I am legit in panic mode with the baby and the older three constantly. I check on them throughout the night a million times. Watching their little chest to make sure its going up and down.
I get flustered so often because my mind is running a mile a minute.
I yell more than I care to and I am constantly battling the will to run away.
The other day I had a full-on breakdown. My husband hurt his back a few days before, which meant he couldn’t really move and dinner needed to be made. I didn’t realize this until about 6:30 pm. I was so caught up in working on my business I completely forgot to feed my dang kids. So here I was scrambling trying to figure out what I was going to make them that was fast. I ended up making instant ramen because they love it. I had just finished dishing out there food and I lost it. My two-year-old was trying to put his bowl in the freezer and dropped all the ramen that was in it on the floor.
When I tell you that I broke down. I was SOBBING in the kitchen guys! It was much needed and I feel much better after it. But the thing is I allowed myself to legit give into the pressures around me and crumble. I allowed myself to feel all the feelings and to admit that I was not okay and that I was tired.
That lasted about twenty minutes.
You are probably reading all of this and thinking one of two things.
“Omg is she okay?” or “Sis why are you telling me this?”
To simply put it love.
This was the reason I made Life with Tasheka. I wanted a safe place where Mothers could come and take a look at my journey and feel a little less alone.
A safe place where our journeys, albeit may have different stories, are the same.
So remember Sis it’s okay to admit and to know that motherhood is kicking your butt. That you feel like you’re drowning and there is no life preserve because I get it. I am right here with you and so is every other mama on this planet.
The perfect little squares you see on Instagram or the blogs of the Mamas acing motherhood are only just a piece. A little tiny piece of what is really going on. They are struggling just as you are. We are all doing a PHENOMENAL job.
Here are some helpful tips you can use when you’re having a ‘Mom Breakdown’!
- Take long breaths: Inhale four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, and exhale four seconds.
- Step back: Remove yourself from the situation and come back. Even if it’s your children.
- Remember that you are human.
- Cry: Releasing tears actually help you process.
- Scream into a pillow: Go into your bedroom and grab one.
- Call a friend: With the pandemic, we can’t go and hang out with our tribe but calling them can be just as effective. Facetime works even better.
- Take a drive: Load up those babies or hop in the car alone if your partner is home and just DRIVE.
I hope these tips are useful to you as much as they are for me. I use them almost daily because motherhood is exhausting.
You aren’t alone. I got you Sis.
If you struggling with feeling alone because of the pandemic please search your Facebook for local mom groups or if you are on Clubhouse there are a lot of Clubs that a curated for Mothers. Make a village babe.
You are brilliance , you are reliance, you are grace, you are strength , You are a MOTHER!-Tasheka GRant